My My Herpes Face (to the tune of Poker Face by Lady Gaga)

I believe everything happens for a reason. 100%.

Well this morning a co-worker of mine asked me why I'm always laughing. I just laugh all the time. I know it sounds weird but I think everything is funny. I think about shit that's happened and I just laugh to myself. All the time. And this my friends is why....

Last summer on the day Argentina played Greece in the World Cup, June 22 I believe was the date, was the beginning of the rest of my life. My family is from Argentina so of course we are crazy about soccer. Especially Argentina soccer in the World Cup. We take the day off work just to watch the game because there's no way we can just see the highlights. So my cousins and I are at a bar at 10 am to watch the game, we're sitting there talking, and as we're talking I started to get a headache on one side of my head. Like in my temple region. And it wouldn't go away. Like unbearable headache. And as I've mentioned before I am an insane hypochondriac so the fact that I have a headache on only one side of my head is leading me to believe I have a brain tumor. In the meantime I know I'm crazy and my cousins know I'm crazy so we brush it off as nothing. Well after the game we went to get coffee down by the beach and had fun conversation. I believe a conversation that went something like this... "Can you get herpes on your face? Like what do you have to do have an f'd up penis touch your face? That's so gross." (that's the Clifs Notes version) and then we proceeded to Google pictures because we didn't really think it could happen. Fast forward to the next morning. My hypochondrism has kicked in to full gear because I slept for 2 hours tops because of the pain that is radiating through my temple region and I literally think I have 20 minutes to live. I walked up the street 2 miles to my new doctor I had found on my Anthem Blue Cross website, opened the door to the office and started balling my eyes out telling the receptionist I had a brain tumor. I'm almost certain they thought I meant to go to the Looney Bin and not my Personal Physician. Long story short he diagnoses me with a sinus infection. My left eye is swollen and about the color of a cherry tomato and my head is pounding on only one side and he tells me I have a sinus infection. Mind you I've already googled what could potentially be wrong because WebMD is called ChelsMD in my brain, not WebMD and nothing he said was matching up. But whatever, we're supposed to trust our medical doctors, right? (BTW I haven't had a personal physician my entire adult life because I think they're all a crock of shit.) So I walk out of the doctor with an antibiotic and some recommendations for over the counter meds to help clear my sinuses. 4 days later the headache hasn't changed and my nose still isn't running. Because that's what's supposed to happen when you have a sinus infection. And I start to get little bumps on my forehead, but only on the left side. I figured they were an allergic reaction to the Mucinex the guy told me to spray up my nose to help clear my passages. I don't take medicine for anything so I figured my body was buggin out. Well the next day, Sunday, Argentina is playing Mexico so my entire family went to my sisters house donning Argentina jerseys, empanadas with flags in them, my sister cooked milanesa, the whole sha-bang. What would normally be one of the best days ever. And I had no appetite. I walked into my sisters house and it was like the music stopped and all eyes were on me because the bumps on my forehead had gotten worse over night and my eye was now the color of a fire engine. I had zero appetite and didn't even watch the game. I went right to bed. Now you know there's something wrong if I won't even stay up to watch the game with a milanesa in my hand. My uncle tried to adjust me (he's the resident Chiropractor) to see if it would help clear my sinuses and I just layed in bed. After Argentina beat Mexico everyone left and went and walked the streets of Redondo to celebrate and I was passed out as if nothing exciting was happening all day. So we decided I didn't have a sinus infection. And I went back to the doctor Monday morning.

"Ooooh, this isn't a sinus infection", my doctor said. "Well no shit, you don't say", I was thinking. "Let me get my father so he can check this out, I want a second opinion", he said. "Ahhh yes, you have shingles, Chelsea. The medical term is Herpes Zoster (not the same as the STD Herpes just for clarification purposes AND remember a week ago when my cousins and I were tripping out about people getting herpes on their face???)" the dad doctor said. "Huh? Shingles? Well how do you get shingles?", I asked in a panicked state of mind. "We are going to take some blood tests. Test you for HIV, test your coagulation, etc. etc." the doctor said as he ignored me. "HUH? HIV? You're telling me I have AIDS and that's why I have shingles?" i yelled. You can imagine the state of being I'm already in + me being a hypochondriac + the doctor telling me he's going to test me for HIV. All in a matter of seconds. "No Chelsea, we are not saying you have it, it is very rare for some one your age to get shingles. It is caused when you have a weak immune system therefore people over 55 and babies are the ones to usually get it." he informed me. Well longer story short, I'm not HIV positive and I don't have the STD Herpes on my forehead. I had shingles. Seriously, why wouldn't I get something that only old people (sorry mom) and babies get? And it was because I stress out too much. Even better, I was also informed that if I stress out too much for the rest of my life my body is going to react that way. Which is why I laugh at everything people. I have no other choice. The doctor told me if he could prescribe me to do yoga and lay on the beach for the rest of my life he would. But I'm sure the insurance won't cover that :) It was given to me to learn to laugh at things and not take anything too seriously. If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that I care too much and this was the universes way of telling me to chill out. Sucks how I had to learn the lesson, but it's a funny story all at the same time.

Like I tell my sister, my life is here for your entertainment :) The picture above was taken at the bar the day I willed myself to have herpes on my face. I would show you an after picture but I'm not as shameless as we all think I am. And in other good news I got to watch the ENTIRE World Cup because I was out of work for a month. Double happy face.

CIAO.

ROCK ON.