This is a true story..."True Stoooory!!"

I recently went through a time in my life where I was pushed to my emotional limits. (is that the PC way of saying I went crazy?) Like I turned into somebody I didn't even know because I hate the feeling of feeling so vulnerable and open that I didn't know what to do. It had to do with a boy of course. I liked him. A lot. And it didn't work out and the rest is history. Details aren't necessary. However, I have learned from my experience and feel like I'm a different person because of it. More chill, if you will. More understanding of where people are coming from and why we react the way we do to things. Mind you this was a 10 month excursion, and in that 10 months I found myself sometimes getting mad when I didn't get a call back and questioning why he hung out with certain people, etc. etc. Things I normally could give 2 shits about. Mind you it was 10 months. Anyway, so like I said it's over and I'm moving on and in the moving on process you have to meet other people. So I met a guy last week out in Hollywood and we decided we would meet up sometime. I'm not really into meeting anyone right now but I figured what's the harm? I work and sleep and that's all that I do so I need to go out a little more.

Now it's the next day, yes I said NEXT DAY and I'm driving to my brothers house to watch a soccer game and I get a phone call from Jack. We'll call him Jack just because it's a fun name. I was on the phone when Jack called so I didn't answer. And this is what happened next....

Jack: Did you get my phone call that I made over an hr ago?

Me: Yeah but I was on the phone. I'll call you when the soccer game is over.

Jack: It's all good, don't worry about it

Me: OK

Jack: LOL you're funny yo. we just had this convo yesterday so you saw that I call after you hung up from your convo and you could have text me back shot me a text or something. I mean really. I don't get it.

Me: Umm I don't know why you're getting crazy. I didn't know it was that serious. I'm not ignoring you I just haven't had a chance to call you back.

J: Boo. I see where this is already going. I am not getting crazy... trust me I am so chill right now. It just that you seen that I called you evidently you aren't that busy. It takes less than a min to press call back or to shoot me a text. I mean are you serious? I'm not crazy just keeping it real with you. If you keep it real with me then everything will be fine. And you're starting off on the wrong foot. You make time when you want to make time. It's clear you're not as interested in me as I am in you (yes, I know we just met) but it's cool. Just thought you would keep it real too and not with the BS. You feel me? But if thats the way you want to roll then cool. I don't want to waste your time. At least you know what i stand for. You know I'm madd cool just when I smell something fishy or whatever I bring it to that persons attention. But it's cool if you want to role like that. Go and do you. And good luck. But don't tell me some BS that you didn't have time to hit me back whether calling or via text. Remember what you put out is what you receive back. Don't expect to find a real cool ass guy if you're not going to keep it real! BTW I am chillin reading Fitness Rx so I'm good. wink. P.s don't text back being in denial just have integrity.

So from this point forward it has to do with the fact that I was mind-boggled by these text messages so I had to forward them to my friend. Well I messed up and accidentally sent this next one I'm going to type to him...

Me: (The last one is the very last part) I sent them in descending order so you can read from the bottom up. (INTENDED TO BE SENT TO MY FRIEND...BUT I MESSED UP :) )

Jack: Ok I didn't get anything yet

Me: Sorry that was for someone else

J: Umm so what are you sending my texts that I sent you to your friends? Do you have anything to say about the texts I sent you?

Me: Nope I'm sending pics of my new niece to my sister. And I'm not done reading them yet because they're too long

J: Well you said you're sending pics to somebody but you said to read From down up. Umm I'm confused. That text that you accidentally sent me was for somebody to read and not look... Chelsea you're something else. I would have never imagined you like this. I thought you were straight up and honest. Wow... patience forces deception to reveal itself.

Me: I'm so confused. I've only known you for 12 hours. i don't feel like I need to answer to you or explain myself. i sent pics to my sister and that's all. It's not that serious.

J: LOL boo. Wow that's all I can say. check this out. I am going to leave you alone. When you decide that you want to get out play mode then you call me. Don't have time for the BS games and lies. I am not stupid. You never dealt with a man like me its pretty obvious. Want to make it like I'm trippin and you are all cool and dandy then cool beans. if you ever decide at some point tin your life that you're ready to delete the BS lies and excuses call me but until then go and enjoy your summer. You can BS lie and make up excuses to other men. I am sure you will meet a lot of beautiful men but without quality. it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Its very few real women and very few real men. You keep saying it's not that serious. You know why because you're in playing cruz control mode. It's all bout you. So do you. You are attractive and sexy. But I can see you're not ready to get to know me specifically. I'm too real and you know that and it's fucking you up literally because you're not used to me. I am not going to waste your time. You're 30 right? Hope you decide to change shifts soon. I thought you being 30 that you were mature and not with the BS. But like they always say don't judge a book by it's cover and looks are deceiving. I am going to let you go to your sexy friends and make it look like I am the crazy one. Do it! I'm cool with that. Blame me, I'm crazy lalalala its cool but when you lay down tonight you have to sleep with that and wake up. So if you can't be mature about it and come clean then you can delete my number please don't text me back and only call if you're ready to start over and be "real". Seriously you can delete my number. I prefer to not talk to you if you aren't going to keep it real. That's all I got to say. BTW I forward the text you sent for me to read down up to 4 people and they all said that it has nothing to do with pictures but it was referring to readying texts "plural" so all 5 of us are crazy. At least I'm not alone. Don't text me back only call if you going to come clean. Have a great night. If I don't hear from you have an awesome summer....just lost a good man.

Me: Cool, so you wanna meet up this weekend?

Umm, I don't know, you tell me.....

CIAO!!

My My Herpes Face (to the tune of Poker Face by Lady Gaga)

I believe everything happens for a reason. 100%.

Well this morning a co-worker of mine asked me why I'm always laughing. I just laugh all the time. I know it sounds weird but I think everything is funny. I think about shit that's happened and I just laugh to myself. All the time. And this my friends is why....

Last summer on the day Argentina played Greece in the World Cup, June 22 I believe was the date, was the beginning of the rest of my life. My family is from Argentina so of course we are crazy about soccer. Especially Argentina soccer in the World Cup. We take the day off work just to watch the game because there's no way we can just see the highlights. So my cousins and I are at a bar at 10 am to watch the game, we're sitting there talking, and as we're talking I started to get a headache on one side of my head. Like in my temple region. And it wouldn't go away. Like unbearable headache. And as I've mentioned before I am an insane hypochondriac so the fact that I have a headache on only one side of my head is leading me to believe I have a brain tumor. In the meantime I know I'm crazy and my cousins know I'm crazy so we brush it off as nothing. Well after the game we went to get coffee down by the beach and had fun conversation. I believe a conversation that went something like this... "Can you get herpes on your face? Like what do you have to do have an f'd up penis touch your face? That's so gross." (that's the Clifs Notes version) and then we proceeded to Google pictures because we didn't really think it could happen. Fast forward to the next morning. My hypochondrism has kicked in to full gear because I slept for 2 hours tops because of the pain that is radiating through my temple region and I literally think I have 20 minutes to live. I walked up the street 2 miles to my new doctor I had found on my Anthem Blue Cross website, opened the door to the office and started balling my eyes out telling the receptionist I had a brain tumor. I'm almost certain they thought I meant to go to the Looney Bin and not my Personal Physician. Long story short he diagnoses me with a sinus infection. My left eye is swollen and about the color of a cherry tomato and my head is pounding on only one side and he tells me I have a sinus infection. Mind you I've already googled what could potentially be wrong because WebMD is called ChelsMD in my brain, not WebMD and nothing he said was matching up. But whatever, we're supposed to trust our medical doctors, right? (BTW I haven't had a personal physician my entire adult life because I think they're all a crock of shit.) So I walk out of the doctor with an antibiotic and some recommendations for over the counter meds to help clear my sinuses. 4 days later the headache hasn't changed and my nose still isn't running. Because that's what's supposed to happen when you have a sinus infection. And I start to get little bumps on my forehead, but only on the left side. I figured they were an allergic reaction to the Mucinex the guy told me to spray up my nose to help clear my passages. I don't take medicine for anything so I figured my body was buggin out. Well the next day, Sunday, Argentina is playing Mexico so my entire family went to my sisters house donning Argentina jerseys, empanadas with flags in them, my sister cooked milanesa, the whole sha-bang. What would normally be one of the best days ever. And I had no appetite. I walked into my sisters house and it was like the music stopped and all eyes were on me because the bumps on my forehead had gotten worse over night and my eye was now the color of a fire engine. I had zero appetite and didn't even watch the game. I went right to bed. Now you know there's something wrong if I won't even stay up to watch the game with a milanesa in my hand. My uncle tried to adjust me (he's the resident Chiropractor) to see if it would help clear my sinuses and I just layed in bed. After Argentina beat Mexico everyone left and went and walked the streets of Redondo to celebrate and I was passed out as if nothing exciting was happening all day. So we decided I didn't have a sinus infection. And I went back to the doctor Monday morning.

"Ooooh, this isn't a sinus infection", my doctor said. "Well no shit, you don't say", I was thinking. "Let me get my father so he can check this out, I want a second opinion", he said. "Ahhh yes, you have shingles, Chelsea. The medical term is Herpes Zoster (not the same as the STD Herpes just for clarification purposes AND remember a week ago when my cousins and I were tripping out about people getting herpes on their face???)" the dad doctor said. "Huh? Shingles? Well how do you get shingles?", I asked in a panicked state of mind. "We are going to take some blood tests. Test you for HIV, test your coagulation, etc. etc." the doctor said as he ignored me. "HUH? HIV? You're telling me I have AIDS and that's why I have shingles?" i yelled. You can imagine the state of being I'm already in + me being a hypochondriac + the doctor telling me he's going to test me for HIV. All in a matter of seconds. "No Chelsea, we are not saying you have it, it is very rare for some one your age to get shingles. It is caused when you have a weak immune system therefore people over 55 and babies are the ones to usually get it." he informed me. Well longer story short, I'm not HIV positive and I don't have the STD Herpes on my forehead. I had shingles. Seriously, why wouldn't I get something that only old people (sorry mom) and babies get? And it was because I stress out too much. Even better, I was also informed that if I stress out too much for the rest of my life my body is going to react that way. Which is why I laugh at everything people. I have no other choice. The doctor told me if he could prescribe me to do yoga and lay on the beach for the rest of my life he would. But I'm sure the insurance won't cover that :) It was given to me to learn to laugh at things and not take anything too seriously. If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that I care too much and this was the universes way of telling me to chill out. Sucks how I had to learn the lesson, but it's a funny story all at the same time.

Like I tell my sister, my life is here for your entertainment :) The picture above was taken at the bar the day I willed myself to have herpes on my face. I would show you an after picture but I'm not as shameless as we all think I am. And in other good news I got to watch the ENTIRE World Cup because I was out of work for a month. Double happy face.

CIAO.

ROCK ON.

I don't know what to call this one...

So it's been a while...

LOTS and LOTS has happened since I decided to take on my photography career (that never happened) but I can say it's probably for the better. Long story that I'm sure to tell on here someday. You will actually think it's super funny.

Anyway, the reason I'm here is because I just feel like writing. I just had my 30th birthday and I feel like I've already realized so much about my world and the people in it and it's mind-boggling to me. A good friend of mine who is in the same situation I am (single, happy, successful, independent, etc) and I like to contemplate life just about every time we're together. And we did just so yesterday afternoon over some taquitos, enchiladas and a few Mexican beers. I find myself soul-searching a lot these days as the doctor basically told me to or I'm gonna get Herpes on my face (not the herpes you're thinking of...again, it's part of the story I spoke of above. that you're sure to read someday.) which is no fun for anybody.

So, back to the issue at hand...through my soul-searching I have learned about myself that I am too unforgiving. Maybe unforgiving isn't the word I'm looking for. Umm, too un-needy? I've realized I think I'm more independent than I really am. Nope, not what I'm looking for either. I guess plain and simple, I don't have time for bullshit and I'm not scared to let people know. Which isn't a good thing. Well I guess it's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because you don't really ever have to try to figure me out. You can either tell by the expression on my face or whatever comes outta my mouth. But it's a bad thing because I guess I need to be more understanding of people? Which I am because I'm the LEAST judgemental person on the entire planet! You are who you are. BUT the reason I'm so bad at being understanding of people is because it's like the saying goes, "the people closest to you are the one's that will hurt you the most." and because I deem my self a very loyal friend, relative and colleague it's really hard for me to understand how those people can be shady. I've recently had an issue with each of the above persons in my life and it has helped me to ultimately understand ME and why I am the way I am right this very minute. If the people closest to me are going to do me dirty, why would I want to meet someone new (ie: a potential mate) and invite them into my life only to let them do the same thing and break me down at their own free-will? Because I will tell you I'm going to be single for the rest of my life because I have no faith in men. I've been tainted to the extreme! In the big scheme of things the biggest lesson I've learned in life is that you can't trust anyone. And it makes me sad! Not even those closest to you. It's a phenomenon that will never be understood, but while we all try to understand it and make reason of it i'm interested in hearing how you have dealt with this issue. Being schistered (pronounced shy-ster-ed) by those you call your friends, family and colleagues. I've decided I either need to become more shady (which isn't going to happen because I fully believe in Karma and I know my luck) or just act like I'm naive and an idiot to get by in life. Your thoughts are very much welcomed...I'm dying to be more understanding :) Because what is life if you aren't open-minded?

YOU ROCK.

CIAO.

I'm a terrible runner. Always have been and always will be. I was forced by a friend in high school to join the track team against my own wishes. I hated every minute of it. I would make up stories to my coach saying I had a soccer game to play in at night or I "sprained my ankle" the night before at soccer practice. Anything I could do to get out of running. But I wasn't bad at the actual sport. It's merely impossible to get me to run more than a mile at a time because I get so bored. My body doesn't get tired but I get bored. And once I'm bored of something I can't be a part of it anymore. Well a couple of weeks ago I ran 3.5 miles. Yup. 3.5 miles for Women's Cancer. I teared up a little in the midst of my run thinking to myself "just do it for Abuela, Grams and Liz. You can do it for them." And I did. I didn't really think I could until I did. I've always noticed at some point during an activity or a project that if I really put my mind to it I can seriously accomplish anything. And when I'm really into something I drown myself in it. Almost to the point where it's an obsession and it's all I can think about. People in my life have always said that's something they've admired about me. When I want something to happen, I'll make it happen.

I was hangin out with this guy for I'll say maybe 1 month total out of a 3 month span. I'm gonna call it hangin out cause he's not worth giving him any dating credit. Cutting to the chase we had a conversation that kind of opened my eyes. He asked me if the job I have now is something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. And I was like "Heck yes. I love my job. It's afforded me the opportunity to do so many things that I otherwise would not have had the chance to do." And then I thought about it. My brain is capable of so much more. So I began to really think about it. What was it that truly made me smile and become excited about life? Not to talk about NYC all the time, but like we've discussed before it's where I left my soul, therefore I will mention it again. While I took residence there I would explore on my days off. I would take my camera and I would snap photos that inspired me. Graffiti on the walls, the City lights, architecture, etc. I physically was moved by these things. There have been times where I have looked at a photo, not only taken by myself, but by others as well, and got chills down my spine. They say a picture is worth 1000 words. And I totally believe it. I have 100's upon 100's of pictures I've taken over the years. I have annoyed a million people with my camera at many an event. I have captured moments that in my own brain are priceless. So I decided after all of the pondering about what it is that makes me happy I want to be a photographer. Yup, that's my calling. Not a portrait photographer. Not a fashion photographer. But a sports photographer. There is nothing more amazing to me in the world than a snapshot of an athlete who just made the winning shot in a game, or has beads of sweat dripping down their face in the midst of an impossible win. Sports have been the biggest part of my life for my entire life. For being a girl I know more about sports than some guys I've met. My college major had to do with sports. I'd rather go on a date to a baseball game than to a nice dinner where I have to wear heels and sit in a swanky restaurant (well that'd be nice too, but I prefer a beer and a ball game over a Maitre'd and a white tablecloth). There's a realness to sports. There's no faking, bullshitting or pretending. You either win or you don't. And that's how I look at life. I don't fight the funk, I'm not into bullshitting and I certainly don't pretend to be something I'm not.

So in order to accomplish my new goal of being the amazing photographer I want to be I bought my first big-girl camera. A Nikon D5000. Weeks of research told me to buy it. I am consumed by it. If I'm not working or sleeping I'm reading the manual, googling photography jargon or watching YouTube videos on how to change the shutter speed. I'm a beginner and I know it. There is more for me to learn at this point than I can even imagine. But I'm up for the challenge. I've already come up with projects I want to shoot. I just don't know how to shoot em. I've signed up for workshops with other professional photographers to get their perspective. Learn from the best, right? But I still feel like I'm totally lost. I have no clue WTF I'm doing. And it's driving me insane. I'm a perfectionist who needs instant gratification. Which is the hardest thing for me to accept in this situation. I feel like I'm stuck in this box that I can't get out of because I don't know what to do next. I know I need to practice. You can't get anywhere without practicing. I know I need to know my camera better than I know myself. And I know myself pretty well so that in itself is an obstacle. I know all of that. But beyond that I know nothing. I'm a student of my craft, a mere Freshman. So if you're a Senior about to graduate, I'd love some guidance. Just like running 3.5 miles without realizing it because I wanted to, I will become an exceptional photographer. Because I can. And I want to. If you have any feedback on where I need to begin or go next to help me accomplish my goal, I am all ears.

Till next time...

CIAO.

reason #4,728 why I'm pushin' 30 and I'm not married yet...

I went to a wedding this past weekend where my cousin who is 3 years younger than I and his beloved tied the knot in the middle of the woods of Santa Cruz.  It was one of those ceremonies where you could actually feel the love and think to yourself "man, these people really love each other."  Because let's all be honest people, we've all been to a wedding or two where we've thought to ourselves, "these two are going to be together for the rest of their lives?!?!"  My brother is happily married and has an amazing family, my sister is engaged to the raddest guy I know, and I'm the one that gets asked on a weekly to monthly basis "So Chelsea, when is it your turn??"  So as I sat there thinking to myself "man, these people really love each other", I got to thinking about myself and how my wedding would be and who it would be with and I came up with nothing.  I can't even picture my own wedding.  I have never been able to, which might mean something, but I figured at least in the midst of all the love that was going around I could at least picture something-but all I could come up with are a few reasons just in the past year alone why I have yet to meet my Prince Charming:

1.  I was at a bar on New Year's Eve last year in Brooklyn having a blast.  I had been dumped 4 days before that so the fact that I was even out on the town was monumental.  I got ready as much as I felt like it to make myself feel pretty and ring in the New Year with a BANG.  A new year, a new me.  That's what everyone says, right?  "Chels, this guy wants to talk to you.  He thinks you're hot", my friend says.  Mind you, my eyes were swollen shut cause I'd been crying for a week straight and I had no energy to make myself look human.  "Huh?  Who?", I replied.  "That bald guy over there.", as she points to the corner of the dance floor.  "Eh, I'm cool", I told her.  I wasn't in the mood to get schmoozed by anyone.  20 minutes later..."Hey!  I'm Vinny!" (his name was for real Vinny.  And he made it known to me that he was in the NYPD.  Which instantly turned me off.  I don't do law enforcement, they're all shady mother fuckers.) "How are you doing tonight?" the guy says to me.  "Fuck.  I hate this place.", I thought to myself.  "I"m good, you?", I said to him.  And after not being able to shake him for over 20 minutes I finally told him I was going to go find my friends and I hoped he had a good New Year.  "So I was thinking", he said to me...again...10 minutes later..."I can't stop staring at you.  You just have this look about you.  Your eyes are so warm, your hair is so beautiful and your smile, man, it's making me cringe.  I understand you have to move out of your apartment, can I help you look for one?  I know some people".  "WTF??", I thought to myself again.  "Thanks so much", I replied, "but I'm good.  Everything always works out and I think I'll be good on my own.", I told him.  So he asked for my phone number and I told him no but I agreed to give him my email address...which was a fake one at that, we said our good-byes and finished our New Year's celebrations on opposite sides of the bar.  "Chelsea, you have a phone call on line 1", one of my co-workers said to me.  It's the Monday after New Year's and I have a phone call..."Thanks for holding, this is Chelsea."  "Hi, Chelsea, it's Vinny.  From New Years."  "WTF?!?!?!?!" I thought to myself.  I had mentioned in conversation to Vinny that I worked for Trader Joe's, but didn't tell him which one because I didn't want him to stalk me or anything.  "Hey, what's up", I replied.  "Yeah, look, it took me a while to figure out which store you worked at but I finally found it.  I tried emailing you but you gave me the wrong email address.  Can I verify that I have the right one?"  "What the hell is going on?", I thought again.  Who calls someone at work to tell them they gave them the wrong email address so they couldn't get in touch with them.  Guys, you thought girls were crazy??  If this guy ever thought I was going to go out with him before, but then he stalks me at my work to tell me he was in denial that I dissed him, he better think again!!  I swore at that point I was on Punk'd.  Long story short after much negotiation I told him my "right" email address so he could try to email me again, and he went on his way.  Rule #1 boys, don't stalk a girl.  You hate it when we do it to you, so please don't do it to us.  If you get a wrong number or email address, take it as a hint.

2.  My brother works for a very well known energy drink company which means there are very fun parties to attend.  Well last summer there was a party in honor of a very well known guy who recently set a record jumping a car over a barge and being the good brother that my brother is, he invited my sister-in-law and I to attend this party.  I don't think we were supposed to be allowed into the after party but she and I somehow managed to make our way in.  This party ended up only having big name athletes, media and other entourages inside a room with open bars on every wall.  Which means people are going to drink any kind of alcohol you can think of mixed with this very well known energy drink all night long...Which means people start to lose all inhibitions once that hops flavored Kool-Aid starts to settle in.  "Lori, I have to go to the bathroom, wanna come with me?" I said to my sister-in-law.  "Yeah, it's over here", she says.  As we're walking to the bathroom we happened to get stopped by a guy who smelled like he just put his bong in his pocket and then took a shower in his alcoholic beverage to try to mask the aroma.  "Hey!!" he said to us as we walked by.  "What's up!!!" I replied back.  "Damn, it smells so good over here." I said, referring to the smell of the weed that was steaming out of his pockets.  "Yeah, I got all kinds on me if you guys wanna smoke." He slurred.  "I'm good, I have to work super early in the morning so I'm laying low tonight.", I replied.  "So how do you know these people?" He asked.  Lori and I proceeded to tell him how my brother basically put it together, blah blah blah, but ended it with "Well we're on our way to the bathroom so I guess we'll check you later".  "Where are you going?", he said.  "The bathroom.  I have to pee really bad!!".  "Oh, girl, you are so beautiful I would let you pee in my hands.  Just don't leave!" he begged.  And Lori and I burst into laughter.  "Umm, well as much as I'd like to take you up on your offer, my brother might shoot me if he walked out and saw me peeing in your hands.", I said.  "No, no, he won't care.  I know it".  "Yes. He would". I replied. And we made our way to the restroom.   Rule # 2, don't offer to let a girl use the palms of your hands as a toilet device to win her over.  Not a good look.  How do I introduce him to my dad and tell him we met when he offered to let me pee in his hands in the middle of my brother's party?

3.  My cousin and some friends and I were at a club in Hollywood a couple of months ago.  The cutest club I've been to in a long long time.  Dancing, hanging out, having a good time.  Until a boy who looked like he graduated middle school just  last week came up to me.  "You know you're the most beautiful girl in this whole place, right?", he said to me.  My cousin and I without hesitation looked at each other and cracked up laughing.  If he only knew 4 hours earlier I had sand in every orifice of my body and was covered in sweat from playing volleyball with my fam-bam all day.  My hair quite possibly could have been able to stand up on it's own due to the fact that I had 20 minutes to get ready to go out and no time to do it."I don't know about that", I said.  "No, you are.", he replied and then introduced himself.  "I'm just really nervous to talk to you.  So...uh...", he said.  "You're nervous to talk to me?  That can't be true. It takes a  lot of balls to walk up to a girl and tell her what you just told me.  You can't be that nervous.", I said to him.  And he just stood there.  "Well let me help you out here.  Walk away, go hang out with your buddies (who I'm almost positive were all standing in a corner somewhere amazed at the fact their fake ID's worked to get them in), figure out what to say to me and then come back."  But he didn't.  He just stood there.  "I'm just really nervous.", he said again.  "You're really that nervous?  Ask this guy if you should be nervous to talk to me", as I grabbed my friend.  "David, should this guy be nervous to talk to me?"  And he laughed.  "You're nervous to talk to this girl?  Whatever you see here is a shell.  Talk to her about whatever you want and she'll laugh".  he said and walked away in hysterics.  Well the kid didn't get any guts and just stood there.  So after a couple of seconds of very uncomfortable silence I said to him "Well I'm gonna go over there with my friends.  It was good talking to you!", and I walked away and went back with my friends.  He came over again.  Long story short I had to call him out.  I understand for some people it's intimidating talking to people you don't know.  But Rule # 3 boys, if you're gonna get up the balls to try it, don't just stand there and stare at the girl like she's an Angelina Jolie look alike covered in 24 karat gold.  Not a good look.  And even more so, it's even less of a good look to walk up to a girl and tell her she's the most beautiful girl in the entire place.  We're good at calling your bullshit so don't make us have to do it within the first 5 seconds of meeting you.  It's no way to start a relationship.  Where's the trust?!? HAHA.

I used to be the girl that cried and sulked all the time because I wasn't married yet and didn't think I'd ever be, but as I look back and then look forward I've decided I'm OK with it.  Although society likes us all to believe you're only valid in this world if you have someone on your arm to tote around, I like to believe otherwise.  If it happens it happens and if it doesn't I'll just continue to be the one in my family that goes on adventures and leads the care-free life.  Everyone needs someone to vicariously live through so I guess that's become my calling.  And if it ever does become "my turn" I'm sure you all know I'll let you know how it goes :)  Until then....

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YA'LL.

ROCK ON.

CIAO!!

My Margarita (to the tune of "My Maria" by Brooks and Dunn)

So it's December 20 and I haven't done one bit of Christmas shopping.  I don't really need to do much since I'm not married, have no kids and don't have a boyfriend to buy anything for.  Which in my book is a score because that means more money in my pocket.  Or so I'd like to think.  I got a letter in the mail the other day from the DMV of California telling me my wages are going to be garnished because I have failed to pay my registration on a car I don't even own anymore and was registered in the state of Massachusetts 2 years ago.  Like I mentioned before, when I moved from Boston I called up Audi to tell them to pick up my car because I didn't want it anymore.  Stupid decision on my part but what are ya gonna do?!?  I can't really say all the decisions I've made in my time are the best ones but I wouldn't be the rad person I am today if I didn't make a few mistakes here and there, and here, and there...So back to the wages being garnished...When I opened the letter I was like "WTF? You're serious.  Story of my life!  WAAH WAAH WAAH.  Why can't I just catch a break once!"  But then, as I sat there and pondered how I was going to handle the situation I started reminiscing.  Reminiscing about my car (random, I know).  All the good times we had during our last year together.  Driving across the country and getting splattered with cow shit in the middle of Wyoming, busting an axle in Ohio and being stranded for 3 days, coming home back to Boston from Christmas in CA the day after a huge snowstorm only to find someone stole my windshield wiper off the driver's side, my first time driving in a blizzard (there aren't enough hours in the day to write details about that one), digging her out of 3 feet of snow with a shovel that has a retractable handle resulting in my taking a chunk out of my left ring finger with the first attempt.  The list could go on and on.  I miss my Margarita (that's what my sister and I named her somewhere between Las Vegas and Utah in order to make our 3000 mile journey a little more interesting).  But then I think about my time without her and who I've become since giving her up and I'm proud.  I only officially gave her up a year ago which has made me think about where I was then and where I am now.  I don't even know who I was then, but I'm happy I've become who I am now.  (that was deep, I know.)  It's easy to hold on to the past and wish you had what you once thought was good, but if you take a little time to think about how you got to where you are now it's pretty amazing.  I think everyone could use a little self-reflection.  It might make the world a better place.  And a little more easy to laugh at.  Who knows what's going to happen with my wages, it's neither here nor there.  If I've learned one thing in the past 365 days it's that everything will always work itself out.  ALWAYS.  I hope you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and an even better New Year.  And I mean it with the deepest sincerity :)

ROCK ON, YA'LL.

and yes, that's really Miss Margarita herself in the photo :)

The girl who cried wolf.

My mom used to ask me if I was going to die before or after dinner, if she should set me a place setting or not.I'm the girl who disinfects my own toothbrush with hydrogen peroxide every morning because I'm so grossed out by germs and getting sick.  I'm what you call a hypochondriac.  To the extreme.  In my brain I have literally had every terminal disease to grace this beautiful earth, and somehow I've seemed to make it out alive.  I've got this gift of learning or hearing about something and INSTANTLY convincing myself I have the symptoms.  I don't do it for attention, it's a real issue.    Sometimes I get so freaked out I can't continue on with my day because all I can think about is how I'm going to die.  If I look at the big picture I know I'm fine, but until I'm convinced I'll be OK it's the end of the world in my brain.  For instance, about a month ago I had a hangnail on my left pinkie finger that got crazy infected.  My little finger swelled up so large it looked like it was going to explode.  A vienna sausage if you will.  Now most of you are thinking this isn't a big deal but in my brain I had cancer.  Yup, the reason my hangnail got infected is because I have some sort of cancer.  I've read in my travels somewhere a long the way that excessive hang nails and infections can be a sign of cancer.  Mind you I work at Trader Joe's which means although I may seem like the delicate little flower that I am, from Saturday to Wednesday I have man-hands from opening boxes, cutting myself on God knows what and smashing my fingers between canned goods and metal shelves all day.  Which could lead to an infected hang-nail.  Nope, I had cancer.  I called my mom 6 times that day so she could assure me I was OK, and she didn't call back till almost midnight.  Co-workers made fun of me because I couldn't concentrate on anything, I broke out in tears at one point because I was so freaked and was ready to clock out and go to the ER to get the thing cut off.  Obviously I ended up fine and in case you're wondering, my pinkie has lost some weight and is doing fantastically.

Now on the Eve of my 29th birthday I woke up with a weird feeling in my body.  I felt dizzy and nauseated all at the same time.  Not too intense, but enough to make my brain rattle.  I brushed it off and told myself it was nothing since 20 minutes before I had this feeling I downed a 16 oz. double espresso from Coffee Bean.  Two days before this, September 10, my mom and I went to a wine bar by her house to do a little wine tasting in honor of her birthing me 29 years ago.  What seemed to be was going to be a chill night ended up the exact opposite.  I woke up the following morning with 9 cuts and bruises all over my body and a mean pain in my left elbow.  Some friends from High School that I haven't hung with in maybe 10 years happened to be at the bar next door so we merged parties and the rest is history.  The first boy to ever break my heart was there, who I haven't seen since High School graduation so of course I felt a little awkward.  The F.A. (standing for Fucking Asshole) is what we'll call him as that is what he was appropriately known as back in the day in the Rodriguez household.  So you're probably wondering why I woke up with 9 cuts and bruises and a mean pain in my left elbow the following morning.  The FA beat the shit out of me.  Not literally, but literally.  What started out to be a fun night at the bar ended up being a mock wrestling match between the FA and I at one of his friends house.  Drinks, repressed anger and lots of laughter don't make for a clean bout. Clearly I lost.  Back to the bruises.  They were the kind you look at and say "what the fuck happened to you, Chelsea?".  Kind of embarrassing and not normal.  So of course, in my brain I have some sort of cancer.  Because again, I've read somewhere in my travels that excessive bruising means cancer.  No bueno.  So lots of bruises in a matter of hours and feelings of dizziness and nausea are a perfect recipe for cancer.  I'm not going to live to see 29 I told myself.  So after a week of having this strange feeling and watching my bruises come and go I researched and decided I was anemic.  So I made myself a doctors appointment.  Just so you know, I don't do doctors.  I'm the hypochondriac that won't go to the doctor or take medicine for anything.  I'd rather not know there's really something wrong than go find out and freak myself out even more.  Weird, I know.  So I show up to my doctors appointment ( after hours of convincing myself not to flake because I was scared to find out there's really something wrong) and sit on the table with the crinkly white paper and a blood pressure cuff around my arm.  123/82 is my blood pressure.  "Your body temperature is 98.5.  OK, Chelsea, the doctor should be right with you." the nurse said.  "Hi, I'm doctor (whatever the hell his name was).  Nice to meet you!  Can you tell me what's wrong with you today?"  "Umm, well to start I just want to warn you I'm crazy.  I'm a hypochondriac and I think I'm anemic.  I've researched and I swear I'm anemic.", I said to him.  He stared at me like I just escaped the looney bin and ran straight to his office.  "Well can you tell me why you think you're anemic?" he asked.  So I told him.  "I bruise easy, I've had dizzy spells, blah blah blah", I told him.  "What else?" he asked again.  "Umm, nothing.  I think that's it." I replied.  "Well from what you're telling me I think you're fine.  Let me take some blood just in case to see what's going on inside of you."  "Umm, what?  What are you going to test?" I asked.  "Your blood cell count, cholesterol, coagulation, blood sugar, etc. etc."  So at this point in my brain I'm thinking "holy shit, I'm really going to find out I'm dying.  What the hell am I thinking coming here?" And before I know it there are 3 viles of my blood on the counter.  "Ok, just pee in this cup and leave it on the counter.  I call you tomorrow with your results." the doctor said.  "OMG, I can't do this!", I thought to myself.  There's certainly no turning back at this point-he's already holding my blood for ransom and he's going to poke and play with it as much as he wants to until he finds something wrong.  So after a day of no sleep and lots of worry The Doc calls me.  "Hello, Chelsea?"  "Yeah, it's me", I said.  "Well I got your results back," he said with all seriousness, "and it looks like you're perfectly healthy.  You seem to be dehydrated.  Do you drink a lot of water?", he asked.  I do.  All I drink is water.  Except during the month of September.  Every friend I know has a birthday, including myself so for a 30 day period it ends up being one long party.  Every year, for the last 40 million years.  Which explains a lot.  "And there's no reason you should be bruising so easy, so just make sure you drink more water.  Now that you're 29 try to resist the urge to go out so much and take care of your body", he said to me.  Thanks for making me feel better, Doc.  I felt like I was getting reprimanded after coming home late from curfew in high school by my mother.  It took a mere anxiety attack, 3 viles of blood and a cup of my own urine to make me feel like an ass by my new doctor.  I knew I hated them for a reason, and this just confirmed it.  From now on I'm going to stick to my previous methods of healing, save a few pints of blood and take a deep breath because I'm fine.  He told me so.

Till next time.

CIAO!!