I don't know what to call this one...

So it's been a while...

LOTS and LOTS has happened since I decided to take on my photography career (that never happened) but I can say it's probably for the better. Long story that I'm sure to tell on here someday. You will actually think it's super funny.

Anyway, the reason I'm here is because I just feel like writing. I just had my 30th birthday and I feel like I've already realized so much about my world and the people in it and it's mind-boggling to me. A good friend of mine who is in the same situation I am (single, happy, successful, independent, etc) and I like to contemplate life just about every time we're together. And we did just so yesterday afternoon over some taquitos, enchiladas and a few Mexican beers. I find myself soul-searching a lot these days as the doctor basically told me to or I'm gonna get Herpes on my face (not the herpes you're thinking of...again, it's part of the story I spoke of above. that you're sure to read someday.) which is no fun for anybody.

So, back to the issue at hand...through my soul-searching I have learned about myself that I am too unforgiving. Maybe unforgiving isn't the word I'm looking for. Umm, too un-needy? I've realized I think I'm more independent than I really am. Nope, not what I'm looking for either. I guess plain and simple, I don't have time for bullshit and I'm not scared to let people know. Which isn't a good thing. Well I guess it's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because you don't really ever have to try to figure me out. You can either tell by the expression on my face or whatever comes outta my mouth. But it's a bad thing because I guess I need to be more understanding of people? Which I am because I'm the LEAST judgemental person on the entire planet! You are who you are. BUT the reason I'm so bad at being understanding of people is because it's like the saying goes, "the people closest to you are the one's that will hurt you the most." and because I deem my self a very loyal friend, relative and colleague it's really hard for me to understand how those people can be shady. I've recently had an issue with each of the above persons in my life and it has helped me to ultimately understand ME and why I am the way I am right this very minute. If the people closest to me are going to do me dirty, why would I want to meet someone new (ie: a potential mate) and invite them into my life only to let them do the same thing and break me down at their own free-will? Because I will tell you I'm going to be single for the rest of my life because I have no faith in men. I've been tainted to the extreme! In the big scheme of things the biggest lesson I've learned in life is that you can't trust anyone. And it makes me sad! Not even those closest to you. It's a phenomenon that will never be understood, but while we all try to understand it and make reason of it i'm interested in hearing how you have dealt with this issue. Being schistered (pronounced shy-ster-ed) by those you call your friends, family and colleagues. I've decided I either need to become more shady (which isn't going to happen because I fully believe in Karma and I know my luck) or just act like I'm naive and an idiot to get by in life. Your thoughts are very much welcomed...I'm dying to be more understanding :) Because what is life if you aren't open-minded?

YOU ROCK.

CIAO.