OH HELLLL NO!

There are 3 people that live in my own personal hell.  Max Rivera, Desmond (the moving man) and George Eads from CSI.  Max for reasons very well known, Desmond because, well you read the previous blog and George Eads because he is the reason I am in any kind of debt today.  I attribute all of my current debt to him and the reason why since I have moved home to CA I have not been able to get a car.  Back in 2005 on a beautiful Saturday morning in North Hollywood I ventured into the world to pay a visit to my Grandparents who were visiting at my Mom's house in Riverside.  Just like any normal day I got ready, jumped in my car and decided 1/4 of the way that I wanted a coffee from Coffee Bean.  So I proceed to fulfill my every fantasy of sipping on an Ultimate Mocha with banana in it (hold the whipped cream) and get off the freeway.  As I was getting back on the freeway to proceed on my journey to the Inland Empire I turned on Britney, sipped on my Ultimate and began to rock out.  As I'm sitting there at the left turn light signal and my left turn green arrow comes on I proceed into the intersection cautiously and begin to make my  left turn onto the on-ramp.  Well...low and behold a Jeep Wrangler going God knows how fast decided not to pay attention to the red light in front of him, ran it and smashed into the rear passenger side of my car.  So of course, I freaked out for a second.  There's not much to really freak out about if you have insurance and a little patience.  I got out of the car only to see this hot hot guy coming toward me telling me "Oh my God I am so sorry" with a Texas twang.  "It's cool" I told him.  "Shit happens."  So at this point I wasn't sure what to do because I had never been in a car accident before, I didn't want to be there forever because I wanted to see my Grandparents, and standing on the side of an on-ramp to the 101 Freeway probably wasn't the safest place in the world.  So I beeped my Dad.  It was back when Nextel phones were the cool thing to have.  So I beep him, tell him what happened and wait for his response.  "My dad's a firefighter so I'm just gonna ask him what to do because I'm not sure.  Something tells me he may know."  "Oh he's a firefighter?  Ask him if he watches CSI" George says.  "He does.  I already know.  Why?" I responded.  "Tell him George Eads from CSI ran into you.  He'll love it."  "Dad, this guy wants me to tell you George Eads from CSI hit me." I beeped.  "Who?  I don't give a shit who hit you just make sure you get all of his information.  He's stupid anyway." my dad says.  My dad is the type who doesn't care about who anyone is, where they come from, what their status is.  Nothing.  Everyone is a moron, an idiot or stupid.  He's very South American and thinks he's the shit and only he is the shit.  "Did you hear that?" I said to George.  "Yeah.  Well..."- "He doesn't care who you are." I laughed.  So I got all of his information, the tow truck came because my car was undriveable and George very nicely drove me back to my brothers house in North Hollywood.  "We film over here sometimes." he said as we were driving down Sherman Way.  "Nice." I replied.  I'm not really one to get starstruck either so the fact that my whole day was shot and I had no car didn't make me any more excited to be in a car with a guy who plays on a TV show I've never watched a day in my life.  "Well I'm sure we'll be in contact" I said to him as I got out of his car and went into my brothers house.  And that's where the beginning of the rest of my life began.  George's insurance company didn't pay for much.  My car ended up getting fixed by a man who I am almost certain is an accomplice in the Argentine mafia and I never got reimbursed for anything from his side of the world.  Upon getting my car back from the body shop I noticed every time the gas tank hit 1/2 a tank the entire inside of the car would smell horrendously like gas.  Well being the hypochondriac that I am, I am almost certain I have at least 3 forms of cancer growing in my body from all the fumes I had to inhale during a 4 month period.  Finally, after being fed up with my insides getting contaminated with carbon monoxide I took my Jetta into the Audi dealership and traded it in for the Audi A4 I always wanted.  I owed too much on my car to sell it and it wasn't worth giving someone else a slow miserable death like I had to endure for months so the dealership tacked on the extra amount to my Audi and I paid for it all then.  My Audi made it with me all the way across the country and through so many memories I'll never ever forget.  Most of which are on the "Fizzle and Dizzal Do America" DVD's, courtesy of Frankie.  Anywho, so upon moving from Boston to New York I tried to get rid of the Audi.  Who needs a car when they're in NYC??  It's money that doesn't need to be spent.  Yeah, not so easy.  Because I had to add on $8000 to the cost of the Audi from my Jetta by the time it came time for me to go to NYC I owed $18,000 on it.  The car is only worth maybe, if I'm lucky, $9000.  Who has an extra $9000 laying around to pay the difference?  Not me!!!  So being the free spirit that I am, thinking that I'm not going to need a car for a long time because at that time I planned on being in NYC for a long time-I called Audi and asked them to go pick up my car in Boston at a friends' house because I didn't want it anymore.  It sounds funny saying it out loud, but try being me now, back in CA with no car.  My sister is generous and amazing enough to let me drive her car until I get one, but nobody will give me one!!  "I'd like to get a car loan".  I told the Banker at the bank.  "OK, I just need some information from you before we find out."  So I gave her all of my info, kept my fingers crossed and BAM!!!  "Ma'am, they're going to send you a letter after they do some more research to see if you're qualified." she said.  I knew it.  Who is going to give someone a car loan to get a car when the first thing on my credit reads "Voluntary Surrender" next to my Audi loan.  So like I anticipated I got a letter in the mail 10 days later telling me they thought I was joking trying to get a car loan from them.  It wouldn't all be such a big deal because I have something to drive in the meantime, but it'd be nice to start my life out here and finally do the things I wanted.  I can't buy furniture for my house before I get a car, that'd be messed up.  I can't go to Vegas like I would love to before I get a car, that'd be even more messed up.  It's not like I don't have the money to pay the monthly payment, dealerships and banks think I'm a joke!  So the moral of the story everyone is....If you know anyone who wants to give me a car or a loan, let me know!!!  I'd love to buy a new couch and go get my hair done in Vegas sometime soon.  I know you're never supposed to forget your roots, but these ones on my head are worth doing away with!!  Frankie might be sad if I did all of the above while driving her car around :)  

Rock on.

CIAO!!!