This is a true story..."True Stoooory!!"

I recently went through a time in my life where I was pushed to my emotional limits. (is that the PC way of saying I went crazy?) Like I turned into somebody I didn't even know because I hate the feeling of feeling so vulnerable and open that I didn't know what to do. It had to do with a boy of course. I liked him. A lot. And it didn't work out and the rest is history. Details aren't necessary. However, I have learned from my experience and feel like I'm a different person because of it. More chill, if you will. More understanding of where people are coming from and why we react the way we do to things. Mind you this was a 10 month excursion, and in that 10 months I found myself sometimes getting mad when I didn't get a call back and questioning why he hung out with certain people, etc. etc. Things I normally could give 2 shits about. Mind you it was 10 months. Anyway, so like I said it's over and I'm moving on and in the moving on process you have to meet other people. So I met a guy last week out in Hollywood and we decided we would meet up sometime. I'm not really into meeting anyone right now but I figured what's the harm? I work and sleep and that's all that I do so I need to go out a little more.

Now it's the next day, yes I said NEXT DAY and I'm driving to my brothers house to watch a soccer game and I get a phone call from Jack. We'll call him Jack just because it's a fun name. I was on the phone when Jack called so I didn't answer. And this is what happened next....

Jack: Did you get my phone call that I made over an hr ago?

Me: Yeah but I was on the phone. I'll call you when the soccer game is over.

Jack: It's all good, don't worry about it

Me: OK

Jack: LOL you're funny yo. we just had this convo yesterday so you saw that I call after you hung up from your convo and you could have text me back shot me a text or something. I mean really. I don't get it.

Me: Umm I don't know why you're getting crazy. I didn't know it was that serious. I'm not ignoring you I just haven't had a chance to call you back.

J: Boo. I see where this is already going. I am not getting crazy... trust me I am so chill right now. It just that you seen that I called you evidently you aren't that busy. It takes less than a min to press call back or to shoot me a text. I mean are you serious? I'm not crazy just keeping it real with you. If you keep it real with me then everything will be fine. And you're starting off on the wrong foot. You make time when you want to make time. It's clear you're not as interested in me as I am in you (yes, I know we just met) but it's cool. Just thought you would keep it real too and not with the BS. You feel me? But if thats the way you want to roll then cool. I don't want to waste your time. At least you know what i stand for. You know I'm madd cool just when I smell something fishy or whatever I bring it to that persons attention. But it's cool if you want to role like that. Go and do you. And good luck. But don't tell me some BS that you didn't have time to hit me back whether calling or via text. Remember what you put out is what you receive back. Don't expect to find a real cool ass guy if you're not going to keep it real! BTW I am chillin reading Fitness Rx so I'm good. wink. P.s don't text back being in denial just have integrity.

So from this point forward it has to do with the fact that I was mind-boggled by these text messages so I had to forward them to my friend. Well I messed up and accidentally sent this next one I'm going to type to him...

Me: (The last one is the very last part) I sent them in descending order so you can read from the bottom up. (INTENDED TO BE SENT TO MY FRIEND...BUT I MESSED UP :) )

Jack: Ok I didn't get anything yet

Me: Sorry that was for someone else

J: Umm so what are you sending my texts that I sent you to your friends? Do you have anything to say about the texts I sent you?

Me: Nope I'm sending pics of my new niece to my sister. And I'm not done reading them yet because they're too long

J: Well you said you're sending pics to somebody but you said to read From down up. Umm I'm confused. That text that you accidentally sent me was for somebody to read and not look... Chelsea you're something else. I would have never imagined you like this. I thought you were straight up and honest. Wow... patience forces deception to reveal itself.

Me: I'm so confused. I've only known you for 12 hours. i don't feel like I need to answer to you or explain myself. i sent pics to my sister and that's all. It's not that serious.

J: LOL boo. Wow that's all I can say. check this out. I am going to leave you alone. When you decide that you want to get out play mode then you call me. Don't have time for the BS games and lies. I am not stupid. You never dealt with a man like me its pretty obvious. Want to make it like I'm trippin and you are all cool and dandy then cool beans. if you ever decide at some point tin your life that you're ready to delete the BS lies and excuses call me but until then go and enjoy your summer. You can BS lie and make up excuses to other men. I am sure you will meet a lot of beautiful men but without quality. it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Its very few real women and very few real men. You keep saying it's not that serious. You know why because you're in playing cruz control mode. It's all bout you. So do you. You are attractive and sexy. But I can see you're not ready to get to know me specifically. I'm too real and you know that and it's fucking you up literally because you're not used to me. I am not going to waste your time. You're 30 right? Hope you decide to change shifts soon. I thought you being 30 that you were mature and not with the BS. But like they always say don't judge a book by it's cover and looks are deceiving. I am going to let you go to your sexy friends and make it look like I am the crazy one. Do it! I'm cool with that. Blame me, I'm crazy lalalala its cool but when you lay down tonight you have to sleep with that and wake up. So if you can't be mature about it and come clean then you can delete my number please don't text me back and only call if you're ready to start over and be "real". Seriously you can delete my number. I prefer to not talk to you if you aren't going to keep it real. That's all I got to say. BTW I forward the text you sent for me to read down up to 4 people and they all said that it has nothing to do with pictures but it was referring to readying texts "plural" so all 5 of us are crazy. At least I'm not alone. Don't text me back only call if you going to come clean. Have a great night. If I don't hear from you have an awesome summer....just lost a good man.

Me: Cool, so you wanna meet up this weekend?

Umm, I don't know, you tell me.....

CIAO!!

My My Herpes Face (to the tune of Poker Face by Lady Gaga)

I believe everything happens for a reason. 100%.

Well this morning a co-worker of mine asked me why I'm always laughing. I just laugh all the time. I know it sounds weird but I think everything is funny. I think about shit that's happened and I just laugh to myself. All the time. And this my friends is why....

Last summer on the day Argentina played Greece in the World Cup, June 22 I believe was the date, was the beginning of the rest of my life. My family is from Argentina so of course we are crazy about soccer. Especially Argentina soccer in the World Cup. We take the day off work just to watch the game because there's no way we can just see the highlights. So my cousins and I are at a bar at 10 am to watch the game, we're sitting there talking, and as we're talking I started to get a headache on one side of my head. Like in my temple region. And it wouldn't go away. Like unbearable headache. And as I've mentioned before I am an insane hypochondriac so the fact that I have a headache on only one side of my head is leading me to believe I have a brain tumor. In the meantime I know I'm crazy and my cousins know I'm crazy so we brush it off as nothing. Well after the game we went to get coffee down by the beach and had fun conversation. I believe a conversation that went something like this... "Can you get herpes on your face? Like what do you have to do have an f'd up penis touch your face? That's so gross." (that's the Clifs Notes version) and then we proceeded to Google pictures because we didn't really think it could happen. Fast forward to the next morning. My hypochondrism has kicked in to full gear because I slept for 2 hours tops because of the pain that is radiating through my temple region and I literally think I have 20 minutes to live. I walked up the street 2 miles to my new doctor I had found on my Anthem Blue Cross website, opened the door to the office and started balling my eyes out telling the receptionist I had a brain tumor. I'm almost certain they thought I meant to go to the Looney Bin and not my Personal Physician. Long story short he diagnoses me with a sinus infection. My left eye is swollen and about the color of a cherry tomato and my head is pounding on only one side and he tells me I have a sinus infection. Mind you I've already googled what could potentially be wrong because WebMD is called ChelsMD in my brain, not WebMD and nothing he said was matching up. But whatever, we're supposed to trust our medical doctors, right? (BTW I haven't had a personal physician my entire adult life because I think they're all a crock of shit.) So I walk out of the doctor with an antibiotic and some recommendations for over the counter meds to help clear my sinuses. 4 days later the headache hasn't changed and my nose still isn't running. Because that's what's supposed to happen when you have a sinus infection. And I start to get little bumps on my forehead, but only on the left side. I figured they were an allergic reaction to the Mucinex the guy told me to spray up my nose to help clear my passages. I don't take medicine for anything so I figured my body was buggin out. Well the next day, Sunday, Argentina is playing Mexico so my entire family went to my sisters house donning Argentina jerseys, empanadas with flags in them, my sister cooked milanesa, the whole sha-bang. What would normally be one of the best days ever. And I had no appetite. I walked into my sisters house and it was like the music stopped and all eyes were on me because the bumps on my forehead had gotten worse over night and my eye was now the color of a fire engine. I had zero appetite and didn't even watch the game. I went right to bed. Now you know there's something wrong if I won't even stay up to watch the game with a milanesa in my hand. My uncle tried to adjust me (he's the resident Chiropractor) to see if it would help clear my sinuses and I just layed in bed. After Argentina beat Mexico everyone left and went and walked the streets of Redondo to celebrate and I was passed out as if nothing exciting was happening all day. So we decided I didn't have a sinus infection. And I went back to the doctor Monday morning.

"Ooooh, this isn't a sinus infection", my doctor said. "Well no shit, you don't say", I was thinking. "Let me get my father so he can check this out, I want a second opinion", he said. "Ahhh yes, you have shingles, Chelsea. The medical term is Herpes Zoster (not the same as the STD Herpes just for clarification purposes AND remember a week ago when my cousins and I were tripping out about people getting herpes on their face???)" the dad doctor said. "Huh? Shingles? Well how do you get shingles?", I asked in a panicked state of mind. "We are going to take some blood tests. Test you for HIV, test your coagulation, etc. etc." the doctor said as he ignored me. "HUH? HIV? You're telling me I have AIDS and that's why I have shingles?" i yelled. You can imagine the state of being I'm already in + me being a hypochondriac + the doctor telling me he's going to test me for HIV. All in a matter of seconds. "No Chelsea, we are not saying you have it, it is very rare for some one your age to get shingles. It is caused when you have a weak immune system therefore people over 55 and babies are the ones to usually get it." he informed me. Well longer story short, I'm not HIV positive and I don't have the STD Herpes on my forehead. I had shingles. Seriously, why wouldn't I get something that only old people (sorry mom) and babies get? And it was because I stress out too much. Even better, I was also informed that if I stress out too much for the rest of my life my body is going to react that way. Which is why I laugh at everything people. I have no other choice. The doctor told me if he could prescribe me to do yoga and lay on the beach for the rest of my life he would. But I'm sure the insurance won't cover that :) It was given to me to learn to laugh at things and not take anything too seriously. If you've read any of my other posts you'll know that I care too much and this was the universes way of telling me to chill out. Sucks how I had to learn the lesson, but it's a funny story all at the same time.

Like I tell my sister, my life is here for your entertainment :) The picture above was taken at the bar the day I willed myself to have herpes on my face. I would show you an after picture but I'm not as shameless as we all think I am. And in other good news I got to watch the ENTIRE World Cup because I was out of work for a month. Double happy face.

CIAO.

ROCK ON.