I'm a terrible runner. Always have been and always will be. I was forced by a friend in high school to join the track team against my own wishes. I hated every minute of it. I would make up stories to my coach saying I had a soccer game to play in at night or I "sprained my ankle" the night before at soccer practice. Anything I could do to get out of running. But I wasn't bad at the actual sport. It's merely impossible to get me to run more than a mile at a time because I get so bored. My body doesn't get tired but I get bored. And once I'm bored of something I can't be a part of it anymore. Well a couple of weeks ago I ran 3.5 miles. Yup. 3.5 miles for Women's Cancer. I teared up a little in the midst of my run thinking to myself "just do it for Abuela, Grams and Liz. You can do it for them." And I did. I didn't really think I could until I did. I've always noticed at some point during an activity or a project that if I really put my mind to it I can seriously accomplish anything. And when I'm really into something I drown myself in it. Almost to the point where it's an obsession and it's all I can think about. People in my life have always said that's something they've admired about me. When I want something to happen, I'll make it happen.

I was hangin out with this guy for I'll say maybe 1 month total out of a 3 month span. I'm gonna call it hangin out cause he's not worth giving him any dating credit. Cutting to the chase we had a conversation that kind of opened my eyes. He asked me if the job I have now is something I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. And I was like "Heck yes. I love my job. It's afforded me the opportunity to do so many things that I otherwise would not have had the chance to do." And then I thought about it. My brain is capable of so much more. So I began to really think about it. What was it that truly made me smile and become excited about life? Not to talk about NYC all the time, but like we've discussed before it's where I left my soul, therefore I will mention it again. While I took residence there I would explore on my days off. I would take my camera and I would snap photos that inspired me. Graffiti on the walls, the City lights, architecture, etc. I physically was moved by these things. There have been times where I have looked at a photo, not only taken by myself, but by others as well, and got chills down my spine. They say a picture is worth 1000 words. And I totally believe it. I have 100's upon 100's of pictures I've taken over the years. I have annoyed a million people with my camera at many an event. I have captured moments that in my own brain are priceless. So I decided after all of the pondering about what it is that makes me happy I want to be a photographer. Yup, that's my calling. Not a portrait photographer. Not a fashion photographer. But a sports photographer. There is nothing more amazing to me in the world than a snapshot of an athlete who just made the winning shot in a game, or has beads of sweat dripping down their face in the midst of an impossible win. Sports have been the biggest part of my life for my entire life. For being a girl I know more about sports than some guys I've met. My college major had to do with sports. I'd rather go on a date to a baseball game than to a nice dinner where I have to wear heels and sit in a swanky restaurant (well that'd be nice too, but I prefer a beer and a ball game over a Maitre'd and a white tablecloth). There's a realness to sports. There's no faking, bullshitting or pretending. You either win or you don't. And that's how I look at life. I don't fight the funk, I'm not into bullshitting and I certainly don't pretend to be something I'm not.

So in order to accomplish my new goal of being the amazing photographer I want to be I bought my first big-girl camera. A Nikon D5000. Weeks of research told me to buy it. I am consumed by it. If I'm not working or sleeping I'm reading the manual, googling photography jargon or watching YouTube videos on how to change the shutter speed. I'm a beginner and I know it. There is more for me to learn at this point than I can even imagine. But I'm up for the challenge. I've already come up with projects I want to shoot. I just don't know how to shoot em. I've signed up for workshops with other professional photographers to get their perspective. Learn from the best, right? But I still feel like I'm totally lost. I have no clue WTF I'm doing. And it's driving me insane. I'm a perfectionist who needs instant gratification. Which is the hardest thing for me to accept in this situation. I feel like I'm stuck in this box that I can't get out of because I don't know what to do next. I know I need to practice. You can't get anywhere without practicing. I know I need to know my camera better than I know myself. And I know myself pretty well so that in itself is an obstacle. I know all of that. But beyond that I know nothing. I'm a student of my craft, a mere Freshman. So if you're a Senior about to graduate, I'd love some guidance. Just like running 3.5 miles without realizing it because I wanted to, I will become an exceptional photographer. Because I can. And I want to. If you have any feedback on where I need to begin or go next to help me accomplish my goal, I am all ears.

Till next time...

CIAO.